So, here I am: the start of the halfway point in this project. The commitment now seems enormous, like it will never ever end. Not only do I have writer’s block, but also analysis block. I have committed myself to 40 days of drawing closer to God and my true self, and after only 20 days I want to take a break. This must be why good change is so hard implement: you need great endurance to stick with the program.
Day 22 – 25
I honor the fact that I have “self-analysis block,” so I do not try to conceptualize a better version of myself or implement change. Instead, I live each day simply and in the present moment.
I enjoy a lovely lunch with my entire immediate family, which is rare and fun. My family members love to love on each other, and I appreciate them deeply.
Today, Day 27, is my 27th birthday. How fittingly marvelous! My birthday horoscope is amazing and encouraging. Noteworthy highlights from Cafe Astrology include:
- “The year ahead should be satisfying and balanced overall.”
- “You are open to a wide range of ideas, and you have a real sense of the right words to say or write and the best way to present an idea.”
- “The year ahead can be an ambitious time and a supportive period for reaching your goals.”
I certainly enjoyed the past week and appreciate that I can let things go for longer periods of time now. I have grown in patience and resilience, and applaud myself for my ability to simply go with the flow. Just when I have convinced myself that I am officially “cured” of getting hooked on negativity, frustration pounds at the door. Suddenly, I am upset over everything, as if all the little nuisances would prefer to pile up and knock me off my feet in one fell swoop.
Frustration . . . oh, so much frustration with myself, others, and the universe at large. I observe myself holding this frustration right in the center of my chest. I cannot breathe through it, no matter how hard I try. I ask myself, “why do you care about these things that do not matter, the things that cannot be changed?” To which I have no answer, causing me to be frustrated with my frustration!
“Everything is okay,” I reassure myself. The stormy winds die down, the dust settles. My life is great, even when things do not go according to my own personal agenda. My goal for the final 10 days is to honor that truth and to become increasingly disengaged with my own personal agenda.